Finding Love

So this is my 23rd post. The number 23 has always held a special meaning for me, maybe because my own Birthday falls on a 23. Watch the movie 'number 23' if you haven't already. Amazing to see Jim Carrey portray such an intense character.

Coming to the point. What is love and how do you find it? My own parents found each other and I'm glad they did ( not because I was an eventual result but because there is nothing more beautiful than two people fitting together in harmony) Does the soulmate exist? For some it's a myth and for others, their cherished fantasies brought to life.

I'm sceptical about love but at the same time there is nothing more I would want. But I'm so tired already of learning the steps of the dance, figuring out how to dance with each person, only to fumble and lose my footing.

What about the ones who haven't found their so called soulmate? Are they leading a life any less unfulfilled? Does being content not be enough?

I think finding love is having the courage to keep dancing until you find the right partner. Sure you need practise but eventually your step falls in line with your partner. Maybe it's all an adjustment to fool yourself into thinking that this is a good dance.

I'm not sure if I want a wild tango or a steady waltz. But I do know that someday I want to dance with someone who can keep up with me, no matter the tempo.

The great wall of myself

Drawn in by a promise,
Prey to your charms,
The dense fog of loneliness abates.
Were you the smoothest of operators
Or was I a Piscean cliché?

Entitled to break only the surface,
But never to delve into depths.
Is the body a mere vehicle? Traces of purple
you marked me,but you never claimed me.

Until the day one does, I build this wall
Stone by stone,
Waiting for you to knock it down
Will you ever come, I fear

Kindly hasten your search,
I can hold on forever if need be,
But what remains wouldn't be
I beg thee,hurry!

Between your lips and a hard place

There I was, waiting for you. Waiting for you to offer me a glimpse of what could happen, if we just forgot the rules for a while...and forget we did.

Afterwards I felt guilty, wondering if your lips touching mine tarnished a good friendship. But you were good to me, probably one of the few to actually care about me.

But now I wonder how you see me? Am I still your friend? Am I a substitute for your real needs? Or am I outside your realm of thoughts? Do you still need me like you needed my companionship?

I sense you feel differently about me. I knew it when you begged me not to see the guy. But you also told me, in a veiled attempt, to forget about you before the fantasies begin.

So here I am, stuck between your lips and a promise to myself. A promise to uphold friendship over love. Maybe what I wanted from you, I was already receiving and by being greedy I lost sight of us. 

All flowers in time bend towards the sun

I thought I was over you.I thought I had moved on, but I guess not. You have every right to be angry or whatever else you feel entitled to. But you don't deserve the power to hurt me. I know that everybody goes through their rough patches and regrets but in the end, we have to learn to grow and bury the past. I'm going to erase you, just like you did me. Maybe the time we spent together meant nothing to your practised, experienced ways. But you forget that you affected me or anyone else who came in your path. I'm sure I'm not the only one.

My memories of you are fading...The spot of ink you left in the story of my life has slowly dulled with the passage of time. Time is a great healer. I realise I have been disrespectful of time. I should have used it more wisely and actively in filling the pages with better experiences. You can never gain back time lost but what you choose to do from this moment forth can heavily impact the rest of your existence. I say 'you' because I know I'll read this another day and remind myself of the turning points in my life, however small.

I have been honest to a fault. Some people just don't get that I do not have ulterior motives. Not everything in life is premeditated. Everyone is lonely, reaching out to people in their own ways. People with the greatest pain on the inside reflect the opposite of what they feel. They try the hardest to make sure no one reaches the low points they have been skimming their whole lives. Empathy needs to work both ways, and people forget that.

I yearn to love. Love should not be bought like lust is. Lust is just a transaction made between two bodies..But love, it's more than a transaction of body and mind. Love should feel easy and as natural as the path of the river flowing out towards the sea. But for most, rocks ,dams and twisted paths come into play and prevent from getting to where we need to go.

I wish you courage and the strength to carry on.