Make me high

Yes you, I want you. Don't play coy with me.You know you just want to meet my lips and start this romance. Yes, you are what I need right now but goddamnit I can't find the bloody lighter.

I'm sorry for the language.You bring that out sometimes when I've been craving for you. I'm sorry again, I shouldn't treat you like that. You are my friend,you understand me,don't you? Of course you do, how else would you know when to ease my intracranial pressure?

There I found it. I'm feeling romantic today so how about we dim the lights and let the music drown out everything else?

I know you are trembling in anticipation as I draw you close, I am too, though you don't show it. Lighter clicks, inhale, just a taste of you. Oh...you are just right,I never would let you disappoint me.We aren't shy anymore,are we?As I inhale deeper,I want to keep you in,as long as I can, so that you can reach all the depths inside me and figure out where to go. In the same way a diver comes back to the surface for air so also I need to exhale you now.

I close my eyes just for a second to feel the impact your absence left on me.I have to invite you back in and I breathe you in deeper,further this time and you find your way.It's a new trip,this journey you are leading me on. I feel the neurons firing up, lighting the way for me to follow as I fall back and everything overturns.

Is it just me or do you make the music so much better.We are one now,come inside me and make a temporary home. Let's float together and drift peacefully amidst the billowing clouds of smoke. I love that haze you create, everything looks more magical when I see through your eyes. You affect me in a way sense can't. No surprise there.

But why do you have to be so addictive? Bewitching me with a high like no other?Don't leave me just yet, I need you here longer.

I'm at peace now.You can leave if you want.Just don't do anything to startle me on your way out and kill the vibe we just created.

High and Dry

She was just 9 years old when a man touched her in a way she had to make a memory of. She didn't  understand why she should feel any different, he was just a friendly face who spoke sweetly to her and promised her sweets. He led her to the balcony and there was a lot of laughter and questions. But all the while he kept caressing her prepubescent buds. She never understood it then, all she wanted to do was impress this smiling benefactor.

A few years later,caught between the stage of feeling like a woman and afraid to let go of being a playful child, she wished nobody would see her any different. Then came the summer she spent at her grandmother's. She played games with her rarely seen cousins and the house echoed with peals of laughter and unadulterated fun. As the intensity of the hide and seek games increased so did their playfield. She was hiding with her older,charming cousin in the field when they heard the threatening calls of the seeker. As he drew near, the cousin pulled her close to him, a little too close because suddenly she felt different. Keeping low to the ground his hands were firmly planted on her rump as a way of controlling her movement away from the seeker. Even after the seeker left, his hands never did. She was aware of only the uncomfortable pressure, nothing else. She was ashamed that she had imagined things that weren't, so she ignored it like so many other things.

Like a fruit ripens with the passing of time so did she.She was thrust into full fledged womanhood. No chance to go back now. She could barely keep up with what was happening to her and then she learned that she had to protect herself. Ignorance was becoming more difficult but she had been raised to be polite to everybody, how could she retaliate? She hated men and viewed all of them as monsters. They just viewed her as a quick feel or something for their filthy minds to work on.She was afraid all the time but her belief that everybody was good at heart refused to let go.

Then one day something snapped.She was fed up of giving men their chance so she reacted and she felt a thrill so new that it changed her. She turned into a confident, respectable young woman who youngsters actually looked up to.

Then she made the mistake of falling in love and she felt she had to start all over again. She found out teenage boys just wanted a fix to curb their chemical levels. They would be so devious as to win her trust which she valued the most. They would be sympathetic and wonderful.

He forced his tongue on her when she didn't want it but she was afraid to hurt his feelings.She was crying on the inside but fate rescued her. She was so hurt, she shut herself away from the world, with only the tear stained words in her diary as testament to her thoughts. Her gift of trust was trampled and discarded.

But her ability to hope never died inspite of being mistreated. She took the leap again and this time she was rewarded for her bravery. But as new things become old one day she was forced to give up.She stopped thinking. Her thoughts drove her crazy. She stopped caring what happened to her.She was numb and gave into the fact that she was no more than an object.It didn't matter to them if she had been asleep,they didn't need her consent.If fate had reserved a knight to rescue her, this would have been the moment. She laughed sarcastically..just a case of wishful thinking.

Then everything unravelled into a dark vortex. She destroyed herself and nobody wanted to rescue her.Why would they? She was of no value, not anymore,they had their fun.

She will keep existing.She will keep hoping.

Comical Malady

You guys must have heard of Murphy's law right? It states that "If there are two or more ways to do something, and one of those ways can result in a catastrophe, then someone will do it." Of course someone will do it,judging by the various fail compilations on youtube. It's unfortunate that science has progressed far enough only to predict and not prevent. Then the dodo wouldn't be an extinct species right now, science would have found a way to save their sorry asses.

Let's look at how Murphy's law has an impact on lives:

1.Law of Inconvenient Malfunction: A device will fail at the least opportune possible moment.

This has happened to me on countless occasions. Most memorable ones are my laptop conking out on me when I SO desperately needed to finish my submissions.My otherwise content to be whirring laptop suddenly giving the death groan is a subject of recurrent nightmares.

2.Law of Cable length reach-ability: If you choose an extension cable at random, the probability that it reaches the other side of your room (where all your electronics have to be) is equal to zero.

3.First Law of Selective Gravitation: When an object is dropped, it will fall in such a way as to cause the greatest possible damage to itself and/or other objects on which it lands.

I somehow caused a 3000 page almanac to flip over on itself and land on my brand new HD. Oh did I mention the waltzing duo fell on my foot?

4. Second Law of Selective Gravitation: The tendency for an object to be dropped is directly proportional to its value.

Sounds of cracking touchscreens and ipods familiar to anyone?

5. Law of Magical parts that fit nowhere: Ever had to assemble something and be left with the simplest looking bit but have no clue where it goes?

Well mine is more a case of imaginative assemblage: Admiring my new phone, I left it on the bed for a short while. When I returned there was the tiniest screw next to it.I panicked and wondered from which orifice of my portable companion it had travelled and before I knew it I had permanently lodged a screw down the audio jack. I should have realised it fell from my head.

Of Lies and Love

I am fortunate to have really good friends. In the past , I had made mistakes when it came to trusting people because I blindly trusted the people that were friends of my boyfriend at that time. Stupid, I know...your friends are your friends, you can't include the ones that just appear friendly.

I love my friends right now.I can tell them anything under the sun without fear of being betrayed. It's true, we have hurt each other, sometimes even had cold wars brewing but the important thing is we were able to move past it all. Nobody can understand you better than best friends. They know how you think, how you react, the things you love. I am fortunate.

Last night I faced an unsettling situation. A person who was previously close to me tried to slander my beliefs about some friends. Me, being a typical aquarian sought to figure things out with logic first rather than heart. So, I got swayed by his evidence but my heart knew it was all false. I'm still apprehensive about it but I like to get to the bottom of things, so I confronted this friend who supposedly did me grave wrong. Things couldn't have been more clearer because I did know what kind of a person the individual was. But how did my informant know all this stuff then? I need to be careful henceforth.

Love note to a tear

You are beautiful when you cry.

That deep flush of vermillion spreading and colouring your face.
Tears quivering and threatening to fall over the slopes of your cheeks.
Your button nose, bulbous now.
That look of total helplessness, reduced to the emotions of a child.
You cry in self defense for fear that by holding it in, the dam will burst someday.
Your cries are silent, stifled... but your heart is loud - like an iceberg cracking.

There is a light in you, when the ordeal is over,
Peace dawning on your face, as the clouds shift over the earth.
I can see you drawing your armour, that invisible shield all around you.
In your eyes I see not weakness, but strength.
I love you

The First Time

 The first time I heard his voice, I never thought he would be the one voice I had longed to hear.

The first time our eyes locked ,we felt like two eagles, mated for life, spiraling down together in a freefall .

The first time our hearts stopped beating,everything else suspended in time and I could see my eyes mirrored in his..It was perfection.

The first time he stared at me with all abandon, I was scared but also strangely enamored by his intensity.

The first time, we both let our inhibitions run free, we opened up a world of possibilities and every time felt like the first time.

The first time he held me in his arms when I was in pain, I thought that would be the last time I experienced pain.

The first time he hurt me, I hurt him more.

The first time can be novel only so many times...

The Ego vs. I

 To be told that you have no ego is as confusing to me as a paradox. You were blissfully unaware of your self and that "you" didn't use selfishness as a measure of success. But the minute you are aware that you have no ego, its your ego taking over immediately in trying to maintain a state of humility. So from that point on you struggle to make sure your ego never shows up which is lying in itself because you are constantly aware and monitoring yourself. Truly I tell you...it is a battle within yourself to control your ego and if you are controlling the ego then what controls you?

The Venus Flytrap

I have a secret . I'm sure all of us do. But mine involves a morbid fascination with my own destruction. Every time it's an urge to see how much further I can go. But the downside is the people who get sucked into the venus flytrap, they may be momentarily enchanted ,but the minute the false velvet embraces you,you are brought back to jarring reality, rebelling against the constricting walls of the trap.

Why is it easy to fall in love and even easier to fall out of it? Why does your body betray you when you were counting on it to be your fortress? I want all the wrong things and its not a lack of judgement but a desire to venture into the dark depths..I can't help it but my Scorpio ascendant is to blame.

Homecoming

I'm going back to the place I love..the origin of everything that exists about me. It is with trepidation that I undertake this journey, because I don't want to face the reality that she may have changed.

She offered me her soil beneath my feet, brought rain when it was most magical,and  inspired a sense of being when I embraced her beauty. She gave me freedom , she gave me life...and now I sojourn to the present to remember the past.

"Once you have got wanderlust in your blood, you have got it for life"