She was just 9 years old when a man touched her in a way she had to make a memory of. She didn't understand why she should feel any different, he was just a friendly face who spoke sweetly to her and promised her sweets. He led her to the balcony and there was a lot of laughter and questions. But all the while he kept caressing her prepubescent buds. She never understood it then, all she wanted to do was impress this smiling benefactor.
A few years later,caught between the stage of feeling like a woman and afraid to let go of being a playful child, she wished nobody would see her any different. Then came the summer she spent at her grandmother's. She played games with her rarely seen cousins and the house echoed with peals of laughter and unadulterated fun. As the intensity of the hide and seek games increased so did their playfield. She was hiding with her older,charming cousin in the field when they heard the threatening calls of the seeker. As he drew near, the cousin pulled her close to him, a little too close because suddenly she felt different. Keeping low to the ground his hands were firmly planted on her rump as a way of controlling her movement away from the seeker. Even after the seeker left, his hands never did. She was aware of only the uncomfortable pressure, nothing else. She was ashamed that she had imagined things that weren't, so she ignored it like so many other things.
Like a fruit ripens with the passing of time so did she.She was thrust into full fledged womanhood. No chance to go back now. She could barely keep up with what was happening to her and then she learned that she had to protect herself. Ignorance was becoming more difficult but she had been raised to be polite to everybody, how could she retaliate? She hated men and viewed all of them as monsters. They just viewed her as a quick feel or something for their filthy minds to work on.She was afraid all the time but her belief that everybody was good at heart refused to let go.
Then one day something snapped.She was fed up of giving men their chance so she reacted and she felt a thrill so new that it changed her. She turned into a confident, respectable young woman who youngsters actually looked up to.
Then she made the mistake of falling in love and she felt she had to start all over again. She found out teenage boys just wanted a fix to curb their chemical levels. They would be so devious as to win her trust which she valued the most. They would be sympathetic and wonderful.
He forced his tongue on her when she didn't want it but she was afraid to hurt his feelings.She was crying on the inside but fate rescued her. She was so hurt, she shut herself away from the world, with only the tear stained words in her diary as testament to her thoughts. Her gift of trust was trampled and discarded.
But her ability to hope never died inspite of being mistreated. She took the leap again and this time she was rewarded for her bravery. But as new things become old one day she was forced to give up.She stopped thinking. Her thoughts drove her crazy. She stopped caring what happened to her.She was numb and gave into the fact that she was no more than an object.It didn't matter to them if she had been asleep,they didn't need her consent.If fate had reserved a knight to rescue her, this would have been the moment. She laughed sarcastically..just a case of wishful thinking.
Then everything unravelled into a dark vortex. She destroyed herself and nobody wanted to rescue her.Why would they? She was of no value, not anymore,they had their fun.
She will keep existing.She will keep hoping.
A few years later,caught between the stage of feeling like a woman and afraid to let go of being a playful child, she wished nobody would see her any different. Then came the summer she spent at her grandmother's. She played games with her rarely seen cousins and the house echoed with peals of laughter and unadulterated fun. As the intensity of the hide and seek games increased so did their playfield. She was hiding with her older,charming cousin in the field when they heard the threatening calls of the seeker. As he drew near, the cousin pulled her close to him, a little too close because suddenly she felt different. Keeping low to the ground his hands were firmly planted on her rump as a way of controlling her movement away from the seeker. Even after the seeker left, his hands never did. She was aware of only the uncomfortable pressure, nothing else. She was ashamed that she had imagined things that weren't, so she ignored it like so many other things.
Like a fruit ripens with the passing of time so did she.She was thrust into full fledged womanhood. No chance to go back now. She could barely keep up with what was happening to her and then she learned that she had to protect herself. Ignorance was becoming more difficult but she had been raised to be polite to everybody, how could she retaliate? She hated men and viewed all of them as monsters. They just viewed her as a quick feel or something for their filthy minds to work on.She was afraid all the time but her belief that everybody was good at heart refused to let go.
Then one day something snapped.She was fed up of giving men their chance so she reacted and she felt a thrill so new that it changed her. She turned into a confident, respectable young woman who youngsters actually looked up to.
Then she made the mistake of falling in love and she felt she had to start all over again. She found out teenage boys just wanted a fix to curb their chemical levels. They would be so devious as to win her trust which she valued the most. They would be sympathetic and wonderful.
He forced his tongue on her when she didn't want it but she was afraid to hurt his feelings.She was crying on the inside but fate rescued her. She was so hurt, she shut herself away from the world, with only the tear stained words in her diary as testament to her thoughts. Her gift of trust was trampled and discarded.
But her ability to hope never died inspite of being mistreated. She took the leap again and this time she was rewarded for her bravery. But as new things become old one day she was forced to give up.She stopped thinking. Her thoughts drove her crazy. She stopped caring what happened to her.She was numb and gave into the fact that she was no more than an object.It didn't matter to them if she had been asleep,they didn't need her consent.If fate had reserved a knight to rescue her, this would have been the moment. She laughed sarcastically..just a case of wishful thinking.
Then everything unravelled into a dark vortex. She destroyed herself and nobody wanted to rescue her.Why would they? She was of no value, not anymore,they had their fun.
She will keep existing.She will keep hoping.
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